Group Norms

 A group norm is something we are aiming for in an Interactive IFS Group, but group members don’t always meet it. For example, “speak for your parts” is a group norm, or “own your reactions” would be another way to say that. We aim to have everyone own their reactions, but people don’t always do that. If someone violates a group norm, it doesn’t mean they have done something wrong. The norms just aim members’ interactions in certain directions that help the group to operate best. So if someone doesn’t speak for a part and doesn’t own their reaction in some other way, the leader will ask them to do that, not because they have done anything wrong, but so they can get the most out of the group and the group can function well.

Interactive group norms are very different from ordinary social norms. For example, one of our group norms is honesty, where we tell other group members exactly how we feel toward them. This is rarely done in ordinary social interaction, except maybe with your spouse or a close family member. In an Interactive IFS Group, we aim to have each member speaking the truth of their reactions. That is because these interactions are where the group work comes from. That is where the juice is.

This is a big transition for group members. They are used to ordinary social norms, and they have to learn Interactive Group norms. As a leader, it helps to acknowledge that you are asking them to operate in ways that they aren’t used to, which may be difficult for them at first.